Protective parts: the proactive parts of these are your managers. They like to manage your life to make you look good; they often use that ‘should’ voice inside your head. Your inner critic – the one that beats you up for the mistakes you make, or for your supposed flaws – is one of these manager parts.

Protective parts: the reactive parts of these are your firefighters. When an exile is ‘triggered’, for example your partner shames you for something you did, then, to protect you from becoming engulfed by shame, your firefighter part may become enraged, or use drugs, alcohol, food, porn or other activities, to distract you from the emotional pain. Firefighter parts often don’t make us look good, so managers will get on their case. Say your firefighting part got drunk as a way to mask a socially awkward part – ie, one of your exiles. The voices you might then hear in your head could be these two parts – your firefighter and your manager – arguing: ‘I can’t believe you drunk so much last night!’ And in response: ‘It wasn’t that much, I needed to relax.’ Which gets followed by: ‘You made a fool of yourself!’ etc.


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